swirlies swirling swirlz z z zzz

sometimes there's a lot built up inside of me. not even just bad things built up either, but good things too, or happy things, or excited things, or just THINGS-- just stuff built up. worries, fears, insecurities. things i don't let go.

well.


the air hitting my skin today gave me a sneak peek of summer time, and it was really great. i just feel like i'm missing things though, that i'm not watching carefully enough, that i'm so often dismissing what God's throwing at me. i don't want to gain the world. i don't want to be OF the world, and so often i find myself worrying about stupid things like music and clothes and people liking me, and i really like people and of course i want them to like me. but i feel that so often i'm just sort of drifting about, not taking a stand on things, too scared to enter into a world (or maybe too scared to dismiss myself of a world) that will only leave me feeling more broken.


and this is the THING: i always feel like i should be doing something MORE. running more, pilate-ing more, writing more, reading more, cleaning more, learning more words, listening to more music, blah blah blah. it's never good enough! but there are so many good things, such as pink skies after the sun has gone down and riding down the highway to nowhere. or grass on my toes and stars on the sides. a fingernail in the sky. stuff like that. i'm just sick of this "not good enough" mindset. i'm becoming more aware that i will never be enough, no matter what i do, and for some reason that is incredibly comforting to me.

so to this i say:

keep up the smiles, the hugs, the ha ha ha ing, the good lunches, the stargazing, the grass rolling, the spinning, the loving keep it up keep it up

or just do your best, you know


okayyy i should sleep now
BUT before i go, if anyone is looking for some good poetry, buy the daily mirror by david lehman. it's really good and may still even be $1 at half price books.

k, sleeptight world